A year since Pre-Op

Tomorrow marks one year since the start of my pre-op diet.  TO mark the occasion, I am going to start tracking again.  Haven't tracked for a good while now, not consistently at least.  The move went smoothly but my anxiety and wackybonks went into full overdrive and I was really suffering for a week or so.  Feel a little bit better now but uni starts back up tomorrow so I have more challenges to face.  As a result of all the stress my band was as tight as...a tiger?  I was so sick and stupid, desperate to eat to soothe my misery but pbing everything I put in my mouth til I could hardly tolerate liquids.  Duh, that's the quickest way to fucking up your band.  So I pulled myself together and started taking things slowly slowly, tiniest mouthfuls imaginable.  Sadly, sliders were my only friends in a very gloomy period where I was desperate to eat so I haven't lost any weight due to the tightness, but I haven't gained any either.  After three days of constant pbing, I'm glad to say those days are now a week behind me and I'm doing well.  My portions are little and I can't eat much of anything solid in the mornings.

My aim is to plan and pack everything I need for my days at uni - I have a 2.5hr commute each way but classes are only three days a week and I'll be staying up there on a Thursday night with friends.  That way I know that if I only eat what I've packed then I will be sticking to my calories.  It's also a money saving exercise because money is almost as tight as my band was!!

Our darling Sarah at Fat on the Inside reminded me that I'd set myself a goal to reach half way by my bandiversary.  It's still do-able if I put my head down.  15 days, 3.5lbs.  Bring it.

After a month...

I have lost 0.4lbs - PATHETIC!!  But I am now 50lbs down with a month to go til my 1yr bandiversary.  Not where I wanted to be - BUT - I'm not going to play down the fact I have lost 50lbs, I feel so much better, I look better, I'm fitter and healthier.  57lbs to go...

Get your sweat on!

Please excuse the tan lines and lack of make up!  I look tired, but happy-ish! It's been a little while since I worked out and I'm definitely just coasting along in premature maintenance at the moment.  My flat is full of boxes and all our stuff is packed into the middle of the living room.  I hate it!  I hate clutter and mess.  Only 4 more days til we move though.  My plan is to start running outside once we move in with Ben's mum.  They live in a residential area and once my iphone arrives (YES I FINALLY GOT ONE, CAN'T WAIT FOR IT TO GET HERE!!!), I can use running apps to help me along!  And I'll be able to take more pictures for my blog which I'm afraid has been terribly dull of late!  Love x

Another wasted week for weight loss

So the scale is still a lb or two up from my lowest recorded which was 197.8lbs.  I haven't exercised for about a week and a half and I have had such an irritated band all week.  I went on a little trip with my mum to Dorset and it was so lovely, but I find it hard eating out because I don't go as slowly or take small enough bites like I do at home.  I think I get stressed out that the waiting staff will point out my slow eating or try and take my plate before I've finished and it just makes me anxious.  And you know what it's like, if you get stuck and pb then your band is cross with you and it makes everything you eat after that difficult.  Because I was away, I didn't do what I should've done which is to go on liquids for at least a day, so I just kept trying to eat things and kept throwing up - STUPID!  Anyway, that is over with.  I'm home, on liquids and soft foods until I feel better.  I don't usually pb, but I'm not one of the clever/lucky ones who never have or only have once or twice.  I'm certain I've not damaged my band or anything, I just don't want to rely on sliders to feel like I've eaten anything such as I have the last couple of days.

I spent about 4 hours last night catching up on 4 days worth of blogs so my apologies for not commenting for a while, but I'm all caught up now.

I'm moving in a week and a half, my gym membership expires in 4 days, so I really want to go to make the most of the last few days I can get on the treadmill.  Everything's going to be a bit up in the air - my plan not to go off the rails is to track.  Must track and not just eat with wild abandon.

I feel frustrated.

BUT - I have NSVs - went shopping and bought 2 pairs of size 18 (US 14 I think) skinny jeans.  I've never really managed to get skinny jeans on before and if I have they've made me look like a Russian doll, small at the top and bottom and big and round in the middle.  But these look pretty good I think, got a dark blue and a black pair.  I also tried on a load of tops and bought a few, some of which were a size down from my usual 16 to a 14 (US 10) so that's very exciting.  Never in my life have I bought or worn a size 12 (US 8) so that's going to be a very very good day.  I also found it easy peasy walking around for much of the time we were on holiday, this time last year, with the shooting leg pain I used to get, I probably wouldn't have even gone on that holiday for fear of the walking.

LOVE x

Weekends in Blogland

Oh how dull my newsfeed is at the weekend, all of you off enjoying your lives and so few blog posts to keep me entertained.  It's raining and Ben's at work.  I'm going for coffee with one of my best friends in about an hour at our favourite cafe - I think he might be bringing his little dog, Poppy the puppy!  I don't mind the rain at all, in fact I rather like it.  I like feeling cosy, and comfy.  My mum always calls me the princess and the pea (do you know that kid's story?) because I get annoyed if my environment is anything but completely comfortable.  We went to see a couple of movies yesterday, Ted and the Expendables 2 - liked both, the second was just brilliant, total tongue in cheek explosion fest - loved all the references to the actors' most famous movies and I've only just realised how hot Sylvester Stallone is!  I know he's about 40yrs older than me but still!  I watched the original Judge Dredd the other day and he was smokin'!

Food has been increasingly worse the past couple of days - don't know what's the matter with me.  I was so focussed.  I worked out three times this week at home - felt really good about that.  But want to be in the gym, running.  So tomorrow's another Monday, back to basics I shall go.  I must remember it's not about how much I can get away with eating, it's how little.  I'm taking a little trip with my mum this week - Wednesday to Friday - we're going to the West country to visit the birthplace and home of my favourite author Thomas Hardy.  I'm really looking forward to it though it'll be the first time I've spent a night apart from Ben since we moved in together!  Nearly 6 months!  Goodness me I love him!  Hopefully the trip won't send me too much off track and we're going to be doing lots of walking.  My mum's a pretty health conscious person too, so that'll help.  Anyway, weigh in tomorrow is going to be shit.  I just have to pick myself up and learn from it.  Love to you all xxx

Where's your head at?

I don't know what's going on these past couple of days - I don't know where my head is - just can't seem to focus.  I make a food decision like making flapjacks "for Ben" and then eating shit loads of them before I've even thought about it - like I'm not conscious during the decision making process.  It's so frustrating.  I'm not trying to back out of responsibility for my actions, not at all - it's just that my mind needs to catch up with my hands and mouth otherwise these stupid foods are going to keep being eaten!