This isn't my first blog. I started one up about 18 months ago after I got my first rejection from the NHS regarding funding for weight loss surgery. I'd already begun reading hoards of lap-band blogs and thought that even though I wasn't getting a band, that blogging might help me lose weight. It didn't. So I have deleted that blog in favour of this b(r)and (ha!) spanking new one.
Why you may ask!?!
Well, it looks like I just might be getting myself banded. Yup, joining the club of bandsters and bandits all around the globe. I am DESPERATE. I feel like I'm not living. I'm exhausted all the time. I'm struggling to see the point in living without confidence, without self-belief, without the mobility I should have. And believe me I have tried. I have worked my arse off to lose weight and I've been successful to some degree every time. But never enough. And never lasting. I wouldn't go down this route unless it was a last resort (now I've got that Papa Roach song stuck in my head!) However, I'm not currently anywhere near being certain that this surgery is going ahead. I mustn't get my hopes up too soon! About three weeks ago I sent my mum an email telling her that I was desperate, that I felt the only way I could lose weight was with the help of the band and would she please help me. I couldn't say these things to her face. I'm too ashamed. Too humiliated about my size and my failures. The reason I had to discuss it with her is that I need help to put the money together to fund this venture. I'm a mere university student and I don't even have a part time job (yet!). I know she's got only a little money herself, but she believes there are sources that could loan us the money. My grandparents and a wealthy close friend of my mother's. In order to borrow money from these people, I have to explain why I need it. This is one hell of a challenge, bearing in mind the best I could was send an email to my own mother (who I'm very close to) discussing my weight. Now I have to go to people I'm not as close with and ask for money. I feel ashamed. I have been saving and I've currently got enough for the consultation and the £500 deposit (total cost £5950) which is a start at least. Mum thinks she could put a bit of the cost on a credit card and I might be eligible for some sort of finance/credit card (though I'm not hoping for much as they're often income assessed and I have no income). Perhaps it seems wrong for me to be attempting to have surgery when it is beyond my financial means - but if I don't do it now, if I wait for three or even five years until I've saved up enough money to pay for it on my own, I have no doubt that I will be far heavier than I am today and with a good handful of failures to add to my list. I can't go through another failure, as I'm sure anyone with a weight problem will know, the failure of every diet is one of the absolute worst parts of being obese.
Speaking of weight... I suppose I should go for the big reveal...much like whipping your clothes off when skinny dipping (or chunky dunking as I shall insist on calling it whilst there ain't no skinny here!). Drumroll....
17st (238lbs) of chubba chubba, gotta get that down to at least 10st (140lbs) to be within a healthy bmi and much more hubba hubba than chubba chubba! I've never been thin. I don't know if 10st will look best. Might be too big (I'm 5'3") or might be too small (I do have a pair of fabulously heavy fake breasts), I just don't know. So my goal is 10st, but my 'holy shit' goal is much more like 9st so I can be slap bang in the middle of my healthy bmi and not have to worry about slipping into the overweight category.
So...plan of action:
Call The Hospital Group (THG) to arrange a consultation ASAP.
Devise a letter to the people I'm appealing to for financial support.
Speak to the financial group associated with THG to discuss my options.
Ideally (and we do not live in a world of ideals, do we?!) I would have my surgery somewhere on or around 29th October - that's two months tomorrow. I'd be off uni for reading week so would be able to recover with no distractions or commitments, it would be perfect. But I don't know how long it usually takes between consultation and surgery. I would have it as soon as possible if I could. I don't mind missing a few days of classes if needs be, but most likely I'd be able to attend seeing as I'll be living on campus no more than 5 minutes from anywhere I'd need to be!
I will keep you posted! I love blogging and I'm so hoping to get some followers and make some friends on here - I've read close to 60 blogs of bandsters and I can't wait to join the club. x