Fucking fuck fuck fuck. My fucking surgery date may well have been fucking pushed back due the fucking ineptitude of my GP practice and my stupid fucking mental health problems. Fuck's sake.
Basically got a call from the nurse today saying that because of the information only just received and processed from my GP (I basically have 2, home and uni) relating to my depression and 3 trips this year to see them about suicidal feelings - including a suicide attempt in January (not sure if I should share that or not...), that I have to see a psychiatrist before I can have surgery. Apparently the psychoanalyst who I've been seeing for nearly 18 months won't do. To see a psychiatrist on the NHS here could take up to 3 months, I can't wait that long. Surgery HAS to be this Saturday as planned. Right now I'm planning to see a private psychiatrist tomorrow, costing me £600!!!!! I don't have that kind of money. Mum has offered to put it on her nearly empty credit card, but even then, it's not certain that I will be able to have surgery in time - depending on what the surgeon thinks about the outcome (that's even if he accepts a private psychiatrist over an NHS one) - AND - I don't know what outcome of the appointment would mean I can or cannot have surgery. They haven't told me if surgery will be completely cancelled if I get a certain diagnosis or not.
THIS IS TOO HARD, I CAN'T COPE WITH THIS. I'm terrified that it's all going to go wrong and I'll never be able to have surgery and I'll be this way forever.