Ok - a scary, honest account of the last 4 days. Be gentle.
I started well and have mostly continued well. It's not a liquid diet that I have to do but one that consists of 2 eggs for breakfast, chicken salad for lunch, and fish/chicken with green vegetables for dinner. Plus 3 x fruit per day, s/f jelly and broth. So I'm sure it's not as awful as the liquid diet. BUT...it is very hard because I'm still just eating regular food with the same lack of willpower as I had last week and for the the whole rest of my life. I have cheated twice. Not little cheats, big cheats. First day was fine, big pat on the back. Second day I was in a terrible emotional state (still am) about university and whether I should really be here, about where I live and generally hating all the anxiety that stops me living a normal life. And I thought I was going to explode, to jump out of the train, to...I don't know what. And the only way I could think of to break this cycle of thinking was to have food. I ate a bag of chocolate and a bag of sweets. Not individual servings. It was a horrible thing to do after a successful start. Not put off by this, it has happened again. Yesterday did perfectly and most of today and then I had the same panic/stress build up and I bought more sweets. I CANNOT afford to do this again. The fear I have that surgery won't be performed because my liver is too fatty, or that maybe I don't deserve to have a band if I've found the first four days so hard. But thing is that through the days it was fine, and on the good days it was fine. I didn't have a problem with the food I was having, I wasn't even that hungry, I missed lattes and diet coke but didn't feel starved. But it is the emotional eating that I couldn't control. Please someone tell me they screwed up at least once on the pre-op, even in just a small way?? Or that I can get past this... Oh dear.