Because I decided that I was going to commit to blogging and being honest and weighing in every Monday and posting the results - I weighed in this morning. I was met with a 1.8lb gain.
Things I've been doing this week to warrant this (it's not like it's a surprise) -
Not exercising; not going for my daily walks as planned; not wearing my shiny new pedometer; not tracking my calories or even food journalling for that matter; binging; eating sweets, chocolate, crisps, cakes and biscuits pretty much daily (that's all those things everyday for those of you who thought maybe it wasn't that bad); feeling sorry for myself; crying; avoiding the world; feeling distant from my boyfriend; feeling very very angry and hateful towards myself.
Now this might all just sound like a big load of self pitying puke - but it has a purpose. By identifying everything I'm doing wrong, I should be able to make it right. I have deja vu right now. I don't want to be so negative and I don't want to keep gaining weight, but I just can't seem to stop. I feel like I have no self control, my band does its job, but I just wait til there's space and carry on eating.
If you made it this far without immediately closing your browser, sickened by the ego-centric self-pitying drivel, then I admire you and wondered if you had any advice for a very lost little bandster.
xxx
*hugs* It happens. I think it's important that you look at all the things you laid out and see what's going on. It sounds like your down emotional space is making your food choices harder.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I've been doing lately is pretending I'm a brand new bandster and trying to really adhere to the rules. I find that after 2 days of this, it's so much easier to get in the zone. Good luck sweetie!
You are not lost. You are in a slump. We have all been there (will be there again) and have had to crawl out. You are going to do just that, I know you can. I guess I would ask myself why did I start this journey and what does success look like? If you are picturing size 2 jeans, re-evaluate your goals. Find a fitness goal. When I make progress there (flights of stairs without breathing heavy, etc), it motivates me on the eating side. I stress, bored and every other emotion eat. But when I am focused on a goal, I seem to have more self-control. Not perfect, mind you, just more. Good Luck and I am so glad you are blogging!!!
ReplyDeleteIt is a never ending spiral. We all have days/weeks/months like that. This is a journey and I think we all lose site of the fact that we just can't be perfect overnight. It's not how many times you fall that counts, it's getting up that matters.
ReplyDeleteWould it help to pick just one thing at a time, and then give yourself credit for that success? I find when I set my goal too high, and fail, I start feeling very negative. For instance, start with just committing to log your food daily, regardless of what you eat. I set my exercise goal too high about a week ago, and I started to really mess up, so I had to ditch it as a goal for now.
ReplyDeleteMore support could be really helpful, too. Your comment, "by identifying everything I'm doing wrong, I should be able to make it right" seems unrealistic to me, sorry! ;-) ((hug))! It is a first step, but not that easy! Do you have groups like Overeaters Anonymous where you are? It seems like a lot of your battle is emotional, not physical hunger, and I've heard others say they found OA to be extremely helpful with that.
I agree with everyone else. Focus on what is right! One thing at a time. Rome wasn't built in a day. *Insert another cliche, but true saying here*. You've got this girl! Stick to what you know works for you. Send love and hugs!
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