Friday, 23 September 2011
I was talking to my ex boyfriend today (long complicated history), and he was telling me that he has been dieting for the last 3-4 weeks. He's 6'4" with a starting weight of 350lbs ish, now down to about 329lbs. This is great for him and I'm glad he's not finding it too tough (he's never really dieted before). I then thought, I'll just check what his starting BMI was and to my utter HORROR, it was nearly 2 points lower then mine. Now, I'm not saying I wish his was higher, of course not - but what upset me was the fact that so many people that I know talk about his weight and how big he's gotten and how he needs to do something about it or he'll have a heart attack at 50. He openly jokes about his weight, and it's never really bothered him much until recently, so the topic is up for a fair bit of discussion when he's around. So to discover that I am in fact bigger than him really knocked me for six. What it means is that everything everyone thinks about him and his size, saying how enormous he is and how much he must eat to get to that size, they must think of me. And I am even bigger for my height than he is! What must people think of and/or say about me if they think that of him. Even my best friend L talks about him like that all the time - I can only assume that she does see me as that big. And even though I am truly happy for him that he's taking charge of his weight, I am jealous that he seems to be finding it all so easy on his first try when I have struggled for so so long with my weight and am now at my last resort. I wish I had been stronger.