Saturday 18 February 2012


Well hi angel faces!  I haven't blogged for a month.  There is definitely a correlation between not blogging and weight gain - I don't know which comes first, it's a chicken and egg situation.  A gain can stop you blogging, but not blogging can lead to a gain.  Anyway.  I pledge to blog again, and not let even a week, let alone a month go by.  I miss you all and often think of you.  I have been reading sporadically and I feel guilty for missing your posts and not being up to date with your lives.  But I am back to reading and will be commenting to the max!!

So, I must confess, I gained big time over the last month.  I just lost focus, band was loose, was eating chocolate, sweets, biscuits, popcorn, white toast with butter and jam for breakfast every day, just everything I shouldn't have been having and in huge quantities.  It's like I couldn't engage my brain even for a second to stop myself, I couldn't get any distance or perspective on what I was doing and was just swept along with this wild food fest.  I suppose my routine is readjusting at the moment, I'm spending about four nights a week with my boyfriend and I'm a bit all over the place.  I just need to take back control of my eating.  It's my responsibility and I can't just let it fall my the wayside because it's not convenient.

Having said all that, I had a fill on Wednesday, I got 1ml taking me up from 6ml to 7ml.  Oh dear oh dear I think I'm too tight.  Before leaving the clinic we have to finish a glass of water and a tea or coffee.  Well they went down ok, a little slow, but I wasn't worried.  Then tried some soup for dinner, about four hours later, managed about 4 spoonfuls until I realised it wasn't going anywhere.  I felt uncomfortable and then later found myself over the sink, slime and soup coming up - yuck yuck yuck.  About two hours later I tried some light hot chocolate which also came back up.  The next day I had soup which stayed down, albeit only a little bit, tea was fine, managed a bit of a protein shake.  Then stupid me, had to try a little tiny weeny piece of a Cinnabon Classic (there's just one or two stores in the UK and my boyfriend loves them so I got him some when I was in London for my fill), it was such a small piece - stupid me - PB!!  Then yesterday I managed to have some very mayonnaise-y tuna and five slices of cucumber - I went really slowly, chewing really well, and that stayed!!  But then went to dinner at my boyfriend's Dad's house where the food wasn't in my control, they served chicken curry with rice, I ate a tiny bit of the curry and felt so rude for leaving almost all of it, it was the first time I'd met his Dad!  Then tried to have a bit of lemon crumble for pudding and nope no good.  So during the evening, I had to go and PB three times, it was awful.  Two of the times, I felt saliva start to well up in my mouth and I had to race off to the bathroom.  It's so frustrating.  This is the first time I've PBd and it's in some ways not as bad as I thought it would be, but it's also dreadful, it's such a weird feeling, particularly after my month of gluttony, not to just be able to pop something in my mouth.  I've put myself back on liquids today and if it's no better by Monday I'm going to book in for an unfill.  Obviously I'm reluctant to do that, it feels like going backwards, but at the moment I'm barely getting in 600 calories a day, I feel weak and I just want to eat something!  Any advice would be very welcome.

During my month of gluttony, at my highest, I'd gained 10lbs, but I'm now only 2lbs above my highest, putting me at 211lbs.  I'm so ready to start seeing some new low numbers, it really screws with your motivation when you don't lose.  I think I've been in a love bubble.  Things are going so well with my boyfriend, we had a wonderful Valentine's Day in a hotel, he told me it feels crazy because we haven't been together that long, but he thinks I'm definitely the One!!  He is incredible!

Love you all x


  1. Awww - how cool about your boyfriend. I hope your band loosens up a bit...take care.

  2. Hi Mari,

    I can so relate to your post.

    One thing that stood out,(based on experience, wink, wink)when I eat all those foods you described in your second paragraph, I don't have an issue with being to tight. But let me start drinking water, eating solids like chicken, salmon, some veggies, etc. and it's like gosh, this isn't going down to well.

    So, sometimes I think we eat the crap and think a fill will help get us over the hump but instead we end up being to tight.

    So with that said, I too am trying to ditch the junk food and get back on "real" food without going in for a fill. But breaking that cycle is tough.

    I think you are on the right foot but blogging, getting some feelings out there and making good choices for yourself.

    Enjoyed reading.


  3. Definitely go back for a slight unfill if it is too tight - I was too tight in January and its a tough position to be in. Ask them to take out half of what they put in and see if that is any better! Hang in there hun!! SO thrilled about you and your bf - sounds like a keeper! xxx

  4. Actually I think it sounds like you finally have some restriction. After a fill do they not tell you to go slowly and start back with liquids for a few days, then mushy... etc.

    I can see why the Cinnabon and crumble don't do down and why you felt that you didn't eat that much of the curry. You aren't supposed to be able to eat those things. You also are only supposed to be able to eat about 1 cup of food at any one time with good restriction right?
    This is where the weight loss is supposed to continue!
    I'd hate to say go for an unfill if you are following the guidelines ya know?

  5. How are you doing on the eating really slowly front? When I went from 6 to 7 ml, I had to really slow down my pace and leave longer gaps between bites to give it time to go down. And the tiny tiny bites. I am now down to one baked bean at a time!!! It all goes down if I am slow and patient, I just get to the stage where I have had enough, before I have had enough. If you know what I mean.

  6. I could not deal with a week of sliming on soup and water. I hope your band loosens up a bit, but if not I think a slight unfill could be helpful.

  7. glad to hear from you. sorry about the PB's, they are no fun.

  8. Sounds like you need to take about .5 ml out. You're so close to the green zone but better to not be too tight. I think "love bubble" is probably true. It seems all women gain just a touch when in a new relationship.