Tuesday, 22 May 2012

Weigh In

Dearest daisies, I'm a day late on posting my Week 2 of Phase 2 weigh in, but here it is

Starting Weight: 17st9lbs (247lbs)
Current Weight: 14st11.8lbs (207.8lbs)
Loss this Week: 1.4lbs
Total Loss: 39.2lbs

So it's a loss - and I'm very happy with that.  That's two weeks down with weight loss each week.  I had a binge on Sunday - was in a terrible state and ate a load of cookies and stuff.  So to still get a weight loss is great.  Other than that moment of stress induced weakness, I've been continuing to do well, been focusing on getting lots of salad and fruit and veg as well as meeting my protein quota every day.  It's good.  I've been exercising, but I'd like to make it a bit more regular, give myself more of a routine, so I know that at a specific time on a specific day I'll be working out.

I'm going to make a pledge today to comment more on your posts, because I've just about got back up to speed with reading them.  I feel a bit out of the loop and hopefully once I get my commenting back on I'll hear more from you guys and really benefit from the accountability blogging provides.

Big smoochy wet kissy love x

Friday, 18 May 2012


1. What religion were you raised as a child, if any, and are you still a member of that faith today? Why or why not?

I wasn't brought up with any religion, though I went to a Church of England school so there was a light presence.  My parents aren't religious and despite a few trips to church to see if it made me feel anything, I felt nothing and so have not pursued it.  My sister however, became a Christian about 7 or 8 years ago and I do my best to respect her faith and do my best to understand it.  In order to make sure I'm maintaining respect for her and all other believers, instead of just saying that God doesn't exist (my opinion), I try to imagine the the existence of God is both true (for believers like my sister) and not true (for me) at the same time.  HOWEVER, I'm talking here about a Christian God, or a God of any organised religion - but I like to imagine that there is some designer and some one in charge of the fate of us all.

2. Do you have an all time favorite candy or do you change favorites often?

Oh my goodness - CANDY!!  Not that we call it that here, but sweets and chocolate are my crack!  I've probably mentioned Haribo Tangfastics on here before, I don't know if you have these in the States - they're sour!!  I could eat sour fizzy sweets all day forever!  But I don't anymore!  I also love Cadbury's chocolate in all forms.

3. Are you a green thumb? Do you landscape your yard or plant any flowers or a garden? Do you pay someone to do it for you? Do you not plant a single thing?

I don't know if I've ever done any gardening, I've never even mown a lawn.  We only had a little garden at my parent's house and since then I've either not had a garden or the one house I lived in that did have one, had a gardener come once a month.  I think I might like it.  I love flowers, they're beautiful and I like the idea of growing some veg...one day when I have a garden of my own!  But from the amount of work Draz has to do on hers, I may keep it simple!

4. Let’s just say you were a tattoo junkie and you were planning your next tat and it had to be words only. What words would you choose? A quote? Phrase? One word? Would you do it in English or a different language?

Well, I have one wordy tattoo already, it says 'Temporarily Lost at Sea' in beautiful Edwardian Script on my right shoulder blade.  I got it Jan '11 and I love it so much!  I really want more tattoos and all of them are words rather than pictures, I don't feel connected to images in the same way I do words.  A couple of things I want... from a song by 'Beirut' called 'Nantes' - 'I will gamble away my frights' and 'Away from you I hold hands with the air' from a poem by Carol Ann Duffy, our poet laureate.  

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week.

Have so enjoyed spending time with my new niece!  Since I moved in March I'm now 40mins away on the train so I haven't been able to see her every day, but she is gorgeous and getting more and more animated and responsive by the day!
I've got my final exam on Monday and it's a really really difficult one that I don't know anything about, I'm procrastinating as usual - don't want to do it, hate it, get rid of it for me...please?
My darling man has been struggling a bit at work and it's made him pretty miserable and he feels a bit distant at the moment, so just trying to deal with that - find a way to help up and us through it.
Been eating great every day since I began phase 2, no fuck ups!  I think planned treats are helping!  And exercise is getting better and better, I was in the gym at 8am this morning!  I ran for 10 mins out of 16 to make up a mile and I'm aiming to improve on that time every time I go.
Love you all pickles xxx

Wednesday, 16 May 2012

Workout Wednesday!

I've been doing...THIS!

And I am IMPROVING!!!  Any of you use Jillian?  I think I love her!  I'm still only on Level 1, but after a week and a half of it and the gym and using my stepper at home, I'm starting to feel fitter and stronger and the exercises are becoming more manageable.  This is very exciting because it means changes are happening, forwards is where I'm going!  At last!  After months of stagnancy!  

On the food side of things - also going VERY WELL.  Sticking to 1200kcal per day, 60-80g protein.  Been eating Greek yoghurt, chicken, lots of salad, tuna, grapes, babybel cheeses, yoghurt - yum!  Plus a treat every day if I've got calories left for it.  

Hope everyone's feeling good on this, Workout Wednesday (thanks Cat!)

Monday, 14 May 2012

Weigh In One of Phase Two

Ok...so I did good - but! the scale is 1.4lbs up from what it said yesterday which is pissing me off because I don't know what to put it down to and it had to be on weigh in day that my weight was up.

Starting Weight: 17st9lbs (247lbs)
Current Weight: 14st13lbs (209.2lbs)
Loss this Week: 2.6lbs
Total loss: 37.8lbs

Yesterday the scale said 207.8lbs and I really wanted to claim that today because I was so close to being rid of the weight I'd gained in my time off the bandwagon.  But - never fear, I'm not giving up!!  I'm going to just keep on going and working out and planning my meals and sticking to my calories and the scale will keep going down.  And hey, I can't possible turn my nose up at 2.6lbs lost can I.  It's the first week I've lost that much since maybe January or even December!  And the weeks will add up and one day, I won't see the fat mess I see in the mirror right now, I'll see a fit and strong and healthy version of myself.  And I'll be proud because I know I worked hard for it.  It's just so exhausting not feeding my emotions.  I've been such a mess the past couple of days.  It's scary to lose your vice, your crutch and have nothing to replace it with.
I'm gradually catching up with you all and will keep going and get back to commenting.  Love x

Saturday, 12 May 2012

Phase 2 - Woohoo!

Hi there gorgeous tulips!  I gotta say, phase 2 is going REALLY well!!!  I'm so so relieved because over the last 3-4 months that I've been off track, I've often decided to recommit only to screw up by the end of the first day and give up.  Sound familiar?  That's exactly what we all did over and over again pre-band.  I can't pinpoint why this time is working, but I'm not going to question it!  I've been planning my food for the next day every night before bed and have been sticking to 1200-1300kcal a day, thoroughly tracked, no sneaky extras! I'm also really focussing on protein, getting at least 60g, but aiming for 80g.

One of the reasons for this strong focus on protein is because, to my horror, my hair is falling out!!  OH NO!  I have fine hair, but a lot of it, so luckily I haven't had any patches or any baldy bits (THANK GOD) but my pony tail feels a lot thinner than it used to.  I'm trying not to panic, and from what I've read up online, it should just be a cycle and will be ok, as long as I address the protein deficiency.  I'm sure I was getting hardly anywhere near enough protein during my off track months, where I was eating plenty of calories but most of it was sweets and chocolate and popcorn.

So as you can see from my ticker, I gained 5lbs from my lowest of 14st11lbs (207lbs) - on Monday when I weighed in for the start of phase 2, I was 15st2lbs (212lbs).  I'm weighing each day, can't seem to help it, and the scale is going down!!  I'm always using the lbs function instead of the stones because it measures to the nearest .2 of a lb.  So in fact I was 211.8lbs on Monday.

Exercise is going pretty well, it started slow at the beginning of the week, but I joined the gym on Monday, it's a great membership that gives you access to 4 different gyms, swimming and loads of exercise classes including a weight loss bootcamp and zumba.  It's going to take a bit of courage to start going to the classes, just coz I don't know what to expect and going on my own is scary, and what if I can't keep up!?  Do you worry about whether or not you'll be able to keep up and whether you'll embarrass yourself when you go to a new class?  But anyway, I was at the gym at 8am this morning (the time it opens) - and I am not a morning person!  But I did good!  Just got to keep going, harness this motivation and remind myself constantly of why I'm doing this.  I've spent too many months not losing weight and I'm so up for phase 2 to carry on! x

Monday, 7 May 2012

I'm Back!

Well hi gorgeous ladies, I have returned!  I'm sorry for my absence and lack of reading and commenting, it's been a pretty hellish few weeks, but I'm starting to feel better now that I only have one exam left, the pressure is less for now.  While I was away I became an Aunty!!  My big sister gave birth to tiny Betty, just 5lb5oz on 5/5/12.  She's perfect and gorgeous!

So now that I'm back, I've decided that this is Phase 2 - I'm completely fed up of not losing weight, not using my band, not following bandster rules, not working out.  Some of it is self-sabotage I guess, I wasn't doing it perfectly so why do it at all mentality.  But also I have to remember that I suffer greatly with my mental health and so my comfort eating is off the charts a lot of the time and that I'm not always going to be able to control it, I'm not always going to feel happy, I'm not always going to know where else to turn other than to food.  But I can do my very best the rest of the time.  I'm not going to let a few depression led binges take control and cause me to just eat whatever I want all the time (which is what I've been doing).  So, Phase 2 of my band journey goes as follows:

Exercise: minimum 45mins cardio, 15mins resistance 5 x per week.  Plus walking at least 30 mins per day.
Food: 1200-1300kcal per day, 60-80g protein, eat from my lovely new small square plate and with my lovely new little baby cutlery (why it's taken me so long to purchase these, I don't know!  Should've got them as soon as I was banded!)  Measure everything including milk in tea etc.  Plan all meals in advance and track everything.

I'm going to allow myself treats occasionally, and I'm going to have 2 snacks or so per day.  There's no way I can eat enough at one time (of healthy food) to meet my calorie goal with just 3 meals a day.

I'm going to catch up with all your blogs as much as I can today, I'm thinking of you and missing you.  Thank you for your kind comments on my last post, and extra special thanks to Morgan who emailed me to let me know I was an her thoughts, thank you so much, Morgan, meant the world to me.
Lots of love x