Tuesday 28 August 2012

Weekly Goals

So the scale was up this week, a lb and a bit.  It's ok - I can deal with it.  I pb'd a couple of times, still getting used to this fill and that led to uber tight irritated band which made it hard to eat properly so I resorted to sliders (chips and salsa anyone?!) and I only got in one work out and had three family events in three days.  So it's a blip and I'm ok about it.

Goals for this week:

No alcohol - I'm not a big drinker, but I get very anxious in social situations and find myself drinking to calm down which is silly.  So I'm just gonna say no.
Gym - I'm going to aim for 4 x this week - but may substitute for a home work out if I'm feeling like I can't leave the house.  I want to work more consistently on my running because when I don't do it regularly it's impossible to make any progress and then I feel like a failure when I can't run as long as I did the time before.
Tracking - I start each day well, tracking my breakfast etc, but particularly if I'm out and don't know the exact calorie count of my meal, I give up tracking for the day and then it turns into a bit of a free for all.  So my new plan is, if you're not willing to track it, don't eat it!
Water - Because I've been really tight this week I've found it hard to get my water in.  3 litres a day, no excuses.

Love to you all, Jellybeans xxx

Friday 24 August 2012


Hey jellybeans, I didn't manage to do a TTT yesterday, so we'll have Five Things Friday instead.

  1. I haven't worked out at all this week - pathetic!  To be fair I had a really busy Mon-Wed, but yesterday I was just a complete slug and did nothing all day!  To make up for it, after I've finished this post I am heading out the door (best put some clothes on first!) and hitting the gym for at least an hour of cardio and some strength.
  2. Got my hair cut - doesn't look much different, just more layers and a bit more shaping round my face.  I like.  Planning to get the colour done soon too, bit darker with some coppery tones.
  3. I've been having some shoulder pain like the post-surgery gas pains, and the occasional band/stomach pain at the same time.  I had half a diet coke on Wednesday and was in agony all evening so maybe it was the bubbles but there have been a bunch of other times I've had something fizzy and haven't had pain.  Have any of you had shoulder pain since surgery?
  4. I've got a busy weekend coming up, Ben's mum's birthday on Saturday, his Dad coming for dinner on Sunday and a party at my Mum's on Monday for the bank holiday.  Busy busy - hoping to fit at least one gym session in, probably Sunday morning.
  5. Haven't seen anything as low as last week's weigh in on the scale from all my sneaky peeks - it's getting me a bit down.  My eating hasn't been perfect every day, had lunch and dinner out on Tuesday, but my recent fill is definitely helping me eat less at mealtimes.  I guess no exercise isn't helping and I haven't got all my water in the last couple of days.  I'm hoping for a loss of at least 0.8lbs so I can reach my 50lbs lost goal.  Fingers crossed! xxx

Monday 20 August 2012


I made it!!  Hurrah!!  I didn't see anything lower than 201lbs all week, until Sunday morning and was desperate for it to stick - and it did!!

Starting Weight: 17st9lbs (247lbs)
Last Week's Weight: 14st4.2lbs (200.2lbs)
Current Weight: 14st1.8lbs (197.8lbs)
Loss: 2.4lbs!!
Total Loss: 49.2lbs!

I am so so pleased with 2.4lbs - not only to I ace my way into the 100s, I'm also only 0.8lbs away from having lost 50lbs, 2lbs away from being in the 13 stones, and 5lbs away from being halfway!!!  Some exciting achievements coming my way in the next couple of weeks!!

Saturday 18 August 2012


Hey jellybeans - I'm feeling a bit deflated.  Have had a crappy few days on the eating front.  I ate a lot of homemade cookies.  They were meant to be for Ben but I scoffed them, despite them giving me heartburn.  I just couldn't resist the craving, knowing they were in the kitchen.  I should've just thrown them away.  But I didn't, I used myself as a human dustbin instead.  And when I eat crap, I stop tracking and use it as an excuse to overeat at all other meals.  I had cheesecake for fuck's sake!


I'm putting a stop to that now.  The cookies are all gone, I've weighed out and tracked my breakfast so far, I'm going to go to the gym later (4th time this week - very happy about that!) and I've planned out my food for the rest of the day.  So I probably won't be seeing onederland this week, I might even see a gain.  But I'm not going to let that be an excuse to give up.  I'm going forwards because I am not done.  Not yet. x

Monday 13 August 2012

So Close!

Arghhh!  I was so close to Onederland - in fact I saw it one day last week.  But alas, it was not to remain.  For now!  You just wait onderland and all of you who reside there, I'm a'comin'!

HOWEVER - I did have an awesome weight loss week compared to ALL the weeks of this year.

Starting Weight: 17st9lbs (247lbs)
Weight Last Week: 14st7.4lbs (203.4lbs)
Current Weight: 14st4.2lbs (200.2lbs)
This Week's Loss: 3.2lbs!!!
Total Loss: 3st5lbs (47lbs)

I was 0.4lbs away!!  No matter.  My fill is good!  I had one day where I got stuck and pb'd at lunch time, but had soup for dinner and am all better now.  I'm now much tighter in the morning and get gradually looser until the evening when I can eat more or less like I did before the fill, maybe slightly less.  However, I didn't work out for a whole week.  I don't know why really.  Was much busier than usual (which is by no means as busy as most people) but with business comes extreme stress and an exacerbation of my wacky-bonks (that's what I call my mental health issues) - and I think I felt I needed to just rest.  But that didn't get me to onederland and I want to lose the weight through diet and exercise not just diet.  Not just because it helps speed up the weight loss - but also because I want, more than anything, to be fit, and to be toned and to help my mind feel better.  So today I went to the gym, ran for 15 minutes (was aiming for 22 but just lost it and couldn't carry on), 30mins on the bike keeping my RPM between 70 - 80 the whole time.  Then did 10 minutes on the arm-cycle thing - anyone know the real name for this?  Then 50 squats (mixture of normal and sumo with the exercise ball between me and the wall), 50 crunches (mixture of normal, side and reverse) and 15 girl press-ups.  I was SWEATY.  Felt fantastic. Drank loads of water.  Actually speaking of water, I'm really good at drinking lots of it.  I hate even the hint of thirstiness, so try and keep really hydrated - I probably drink 3-3.5litres a day.  Gross as it may sound, I frequently check my wee colour to make sure it's as close to see through as possible.  If it is, I know I'm drinking enough.  Anyone else do this or am I super weird?

Love you all xxx

Saturday 11 August 2012

Mon Visage

What a difference a year makes!  On the left is me last August, almost at my heaviest - I was probably about 240lbs.  And on the right is me last night at a lovely balcony bbq.  It would seem I didn't really have a neck back then, now my face looks much thinner thank goodness!!  I've got a long way to go but I can really see the changes.

Thursday 9 August 2012

TTT - or 'titty' as I like to call it!

Hi there you hard working and gorgeous jelly beans!  Why thank you lovely Laura Belle for TITTY!!!

  1. I had fill number 4 on Tuesday - my nurse (who I LOVE) said she thought that was very few fills for someone 10 months out.  She also said other nice things - I was being down on myself because I'd only lost a few lbs since my last appointment all the way back in FEBRUARY - a hundred million years ago - but she said I was doing well, the scale had gone down not up and I should be happy that I've lost nearly 50% of my excess weight in less than a year.  I got 0.5cc for a total of 7.5cc in my 10cc band.  So far so good.  I was told to do liquids for 24hrs and mushies for 24hrs and I was HUNGRY on liquids.  Today though, 1/2 can of tuna and a plum kept me happy for nearly 4 hours.  I'm happy with that!
  2. As a reward of my self control the scale is getting exciting...but you're just going to have to wait and see!!!
  3. I just ate some spicy chicken and some ratatouille - yum - I was eating for about 35 minutes - I've read that a lot of people stop after 20 or 30 mins - what do you all do and does limiting your time help?
  4. The boy and I will be moving out of our current flat by 23rd september and have decided to move in with his mum and step-dad for 4-6 weeks before getting our own place.  At the moment we're just struggling so much with money, that a month or so rent and bills free (lovely parents!) will help us pay off a bit of overdraft/debt and make life a bit more comfortable when we do move.  It'll also give enough time for us to get our deposit back from the current flat and time to look for flats without travelling an hour at a time to get over there while we still live here.  Luckily, my "in laws" are the sweetest, least judgemental, friendliest people so although it's not ideal, I am very happy to have such lovely new family.
  5. After my 1.5 mile run I've found myself a busy busy bee and haven't worked out (apart from walking) for three days - tomorrow I'm making that treadmill my bitch!
  6. I really love you all.  Just saying.
  7. Oh yes!  Some of our favourite bloggers (Ronnie and MandaPanda, I mean you!) blogged about making fitness goals to work towards - others have since followed suit and I am INSPIRED!  So here we go:  I want to be able to run a 5k on the treadmill by Christmas - I don't really mind how long it takes, if I stay at my current 14 minute mile it'll take 42 minutes, but I'd love to get my speed up a couple of points as well.  That's it for starters.  There will be more.
  8. I spent some of today with my niece, Betty.  She's 3 months old and just amazing - I'm totally in love with her.
  9. Sadly my sister who suffers from bipolar and alcoholism and struggled to cope after Betty was born because she was taken off one of her essential medications, a mood stabiliser in order to breastfeed.  Unfortunately she went quickly down hill and has now been admitted to a psychiatric mother and baby care unit.  They've been there for nearly 2 weeks and the average stay is 6 weeks.  It's been very painful for me and my family.  Every instinct in my body tells me I must protect Betty, and I just can't...I have to accept that she's my sister's priority not mine, and that I have to trust my sister to take care of her.  But she hasn't been...she's struggled to look after her and it makes me practically writhe in agony that I can't just take Betty off her hands for a while, to bring her home and take care of her until my sister's better.  It's all very tough.
  10. On a lighter note - I'm feeling motivated and excited about my weight loss - fingers crossed I can continue to work hard and will shoot down the scale like a wild goose in a bobsled! x

Monday 6 August 2012

Ta Da!

Good morning jellybeans,

As expected, I was up on the scale today, but only by 0.4lbs (making me 203.4lbs) so not as bad as the last couple of days which were showing a lb higher than that.  It's easy to blame it all on the TOM but I had some good days and some bad days.  I had some days where every meal was on point but I ate a bag of sweets in a mad hurry on the train because I felt very upset (a LOT of shit going on with my sister at the moment).  So it wasn't a perfect week, but every day that is better than the last is progress.  

Anyway, so instead of being pissed off or upset by the scale not being down this week, an hour after seeing the number, at 9am ( I am NOT a morning person), I went to the gym - and guess what........

I RAN 1.5 miles!!!  It took me just over 21 minutes (might as well have been walking!) but I did it, and the whole time I was on the treadmill, I told myself I could do it.  Over and over again.  It is such a mental game with me.  If I get on that treadmill and baby myself, saying 'oh, you're a bit tired today and at least you're here - you probably won't last more than 10 minutes so it's ok to stop there' - I will never progress.  Instead, with my new sports bra in place (good though less supportive of the big girls than my other one), I just went for it and conquered!!!  

So I'm feeling rather smug.  I'm really looking forward to getting my fill tomorrow, I've been in a bit of, let's see how much we can get away with eating, mode and what I really want is to see how little the band helps me to survive on whilst still nourishing me and giving me the energy I need to live and exercise.

Big love to all x

Sunday 5 August 2012

About time!

After seven months at my current fill level, I'm heading to London on Tuesday for a fill.  I constantly want to eat and pretty much can.  I had a good chat with my dietician and she agreed that the right portion size isn't satisfying me which is leading me to seek more food.  I'm nervous because when I first got this fill back in Feb I was really tight for the first few weeks.  Though the tightness was exacerbated by pb-ing and going back to solids too soon.  I'm hoping for just a little fill - I think I've got quite a bit in my 10cc band, 6 or 7ccs I think.  But I think it will help kick start me again and remind me of the basic bandster rules and a drop on the scale due to liquids will hopefully provide a psychological boost.  It's TOM and I'm feeling bloated and sorry for myself and the scale is reporting more than a lb up from last week which completely demotivated me and led to me eating more.  Stupid scale.  I'm desperate to get past the half way point.  Sooner rather than later but at least by my 1 year bandiversary on the 15th October.  But I'd really like to be further along. I worked out 4 days in a row this week, and then when I saw that period induced gain on friday I kind of gave up with everything, isn't that silly!  But an NSV - I beat my longest run!  Previously it had been 15 mins and I got it up to 16.5 mins on Thursday!  I really want to be able to run 5k by Christmas.  Love x